The Night I was a Lonely Astronaut

Standing between two elves, a Kung Fu master & a Cowboy, I placed the plastic Astronaut helmet on & waited in anticipation. The vision panel fogged just as they called showtime. Vision impaired, walking in slow motion toward the ballroom, I just hoped the helmet wouldn’t split in two as I entered.

As an Aussie performer in Germany, there have been a few bizarre nights like this, working at events, where I’ve felt a long way from home. The astronaut had lost his capsule & weaving between the guest tables, I felt just as lost as he did. I’ve been in Hamburg for over a decade, raising a family, but I still have moments of isolation, even in a packed ballroom.

I decided to attempt to interact with the guests, leaned into a table & said “Houston, we have a problem”, barely audible through the helmet, they looked at me blank-faced. It seemed Houston had a few problems.

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Walking around in slow motion for an hour is surprisingly exhausting, & I was relieved when it was time for a break. Sitting at a table, with the Cowboy, the elves, a couple of Geishas & a bodyguard, they were curious about dangerous animals but couldn’t understand my attempts to speak German with an Aussie accent, so I buried my head in my potato salad.

After dinner, two plate-spinning magicians & a Brazilian dancing troop took over, so our services were no longer needed.

Riding home in the pouring rain, the space helmet hanging from the handlebars, I felt a sense of gratitude for having taken the road less travelled, but was happy to get back to my family & a warm bed right here on planet earth.